THE VIEW OF LISTOWEL ???????

With the permission of Joe Lethbridge of The Cambridge Citizen

When city folk go to Smalltown-A parody of sorts
November 26, 2010
By joel
When city folk go to Smalltown
This past weekend a friend and I went to Listowel , a town of about 3500 . We drove through the hamlet of Conestogo and up Highway 86 . We stopped along the road and stepped out of the cab of the truck and stood on the gravel and looked skyward .

Emblazoned with stars . I counted at least six shooting stars and my friend had seen about the same . Some were vibrant ;while others were shadows we could see above the light cloud cover.

We arrived in Listowel and toted our backpacks and blankets into the trailer. After unpacking we walked up Main Street and gave him the grand tour; speaking like a deep south tour guide.

Standing at the edge of the street we seen a sign .

“Raise hand and point ” to cross. I pointed at a riding lawnmower in the window of the local Home Hardware

“That there is the mode of transportation in this small town”

I thought he would get embarrassed but he just smiled and laughed,saying “OMG ! ”

We went to Tim Horton’s Donuts. There was no seating,only two round tables but no chairs. I would soon find out why there were no chairs.

We crossed Main Street and checked out a few stores.

Walking back up Main Street ,a car was parked and a boy about 16 was smiling at us through the window.

As most often; I smiled back . We continued walking and passing the car. When we were adjacent to the passenger window, the boy quickly reached over and locked the door. What a welcome !

We stopped in Giant Tiger and picked up some required eating. Willy Wonka chocolate covered pop rocks for a quarter a pack . Turns out they merely fizzled . There was no POP in the pop rocks. As a kid growing up on Willy Wonka I was pissed ! Willy Wonka had become corporate and did not care about us kids anymore. Okay !! SO I am not a kid but in my mind I am

I digress.

We left Giant Tiger and passed a grandmotherly type woman sitting in her car. She flashed us ! No ; she flashed us a huge and seemingly genuine smile. .

As we passed the car ; that fiesty grandma quickly yanked her purse from the passenger seat, locked the door and held to it tight on her lap; as though it was a Bingo Dabber at a bingo hall.

We walked back towards the trailer.

“gimme a piggy back ride ” I yelled and jumped up on my friend’s back .

That lasted but a minute. We didn;t wanna share our big city ideas of fun with the townsfolk .

Okay . so back to why Tim Hortons has no seating in Listowel. A proven fact as it was proven when my friend and I were in Listowel

I think there are no seats in Listowel because I aint to sure if they looks kindly on city folk coming to town. Maybe they should consider having a Welcome Wagon or at least a Welcome Riding Lawnmower .

Next time I may venture there on my own riding lawn mower or tie up my horse to a parking meter , downplay on what I wear; settling on blues or browns only and play the part of a local .

I almost heard the townsfolk on their porches with a loud send off .

“Y’all don;t come back. Ya hear ! ” and I can almost swear I heard loads of buckshot coming through the air ; ready to hit us in the ass. Lucky for us ; we were not on a riding lawn mower or maybe we would have left with souvenirs of buckshot in out city asses.

* In actuality Listowel does have quaint shops . I suggest bringing a deck of cards and a can or two of beans and weiners as most folk seemingly head off to bed at 7 pm.. and maybe a lawn chair if you want to sit and enjoy your piping cup of Timmies@